Twenty-Nine

I turned 29 today.

(This is slowly turning into a "post once a year" type of blog, but I'm going to lean into it).

It is weird looking back on this year. There have been highlights. There have been lowlights. But, in reality, life isn't totally different than it was last year. I live in the same house, a have the same job, the same dog, and the same routine. Sure, a few things are different. But for the most part, things are the same.

But here's the thing, transformation is not found in just the big stuff.

Transformation can be found in each and every little step we take.

When I look back at the last year, I know that I have changed. I've learned more about myself. I've taken steps towards being more self-assured. I even eat healthier!

We have this innate ability as humans to compare ourselves to one another. Yet, our journeys are not the same. Our stories and paths cannot be judged by someone else's story and path.

That has become clearer and clearer to me in the last year. Whenever I think I'm not doing enough, or not moving fast enough, the first question I have to ask myself is "but where are you on the journey?" Basically, "are you moving in the right direction?"

Because, ultimately, that is what is important. When we are unhappy and ignore where we are at by only looking at where we haven't been yet, we make the mistake of missing how far we've come.

That is why it is ok to feel sad sometimes. That is why it is ok to be mad, or upset, or frustrated, or annoyed, or angry. Because those negative emotions are signs of something we have lost on the journey. Whether it is trust, security, comfort, or some other type of loss, those emotions reflect the reality of that loss. And acting as if it what we have lost never existed shortchanges our journey.

So it's ok to feel those things sometimes. But we do not live there.

We keep going on the journey. We don't compare where we are to someone else's journey. We are on our own and we keep going on it.

My spiritual director gave me a piece of advice today that has been ringing with me, (which, side note: If you don't see a spiritual director, counselor, therapist, pastor, whoever on a semi-regular basis, change that immediately and get it done. One of the best decisions I've made this year is starting spiritual direction):

"Practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent."

I don't know if he got that from someone else, but I certainly appreciated it. Because, truth is, we are never going to be perfect. Whether it is at our jobs, relationships, or even just being people. But as long as we are practicing the journey, and working towards living more in tune with the Divine, than the muscle memory will grow deeper and deeper.

Which is all a part of the journey. A journey, where all we can do, is put one foot in front of the other.